When we forgive, not only do we allow ourselves to move on, but we give the other person grace, maybe, even in a way they have never experienced before. There are some people in my life I have really struggled forgiving. I think part of this reason is because I feel so deeply. When I hurt, I can sometimes feel it physically. When I am overjoyed, I can feel it all through out my body. But this is not an excuse. I knew forgiveness was always something I needed to work on. I just couldn’t fathom forgiving the people who had hurt me. I let the hurt they had done manifest it’s way into my heart creating strong dislike and animosity.
But here is the beautiful thing about life. We all have choices every single day. We have the choice to start the journey of forgiving and healing. The first part of forgiveness for me was a desire to change my heart. I wanted to love this particular person. I wanted so bad to have a relationship with him. I couldn’t imagine how to start changing my heart so I went to someone who I personally believe is all-knowing. I requested help from the divine. So, I prayed and I prayed every single day. I prayed that he would mature and that I would too. Not only did I pray for his heart to soften and change, but I did for mine as well. I knew I had part in this and I knew he wasn’t the only one that needed to change.
I showed up. I showed up even when I didn’t want too. My Dad came to me in October and said how he really wanted to change how the holidays went and make some new, healthy, and fun family traditions. So, he suggested we spend Thanksgiving together as a family with this person. At first, I was resistant. I thought of a million different excuses of why I shouldn’t go. I was too busy. I was too overwhelmed. I didn’t want to see him. And then I gave in because I saw my Dad’s heart and how he had longed for this. And deep down I knew what I have been saying all along, “Relationships heal.” So, I went.
I saw him open his heart for the first time in years. He was honest. He was vulnerable. He showed his heart. My Dad and I had a disagreement on Thanksgiving and this loved one I had struggled with came and talked to me. He let his guard down in order to foster the relationship. It was him who took the first step. He was brave enough to let me in. All these years, I knew he was hurting too. I finally saw it. I allowed myself to let my guard down as well and let his words sink into my heart. I even cried because I knew God had taken a messy situation, and made it beautiful. I saw my prayer being answered before my eyes.
I let my guard down and I had compassion. I saw this loved one playing with my niece. And I realized he and I share a love for little kids. I saw his heart open up in a way I never had before. He loved this little girl with all his heart. And I felt like the Grinch in that moment my heart had grown 3 times in size for him. I had so much love for him right then and there. I realized why this loved one is the way he is. But I see him now. I see him how I think God sees him. And I know with all my being that I’ll never give up on him again. No matter what he says or does. I will never give up on that relationship.
I truly believe that in life sometimes people come to our lives to grow and stretch us. It can be so painful. And it can also be incredibly beautiful. I know for a fact that I was this person for the loved one I struggled with forgiving. And, He this person for me. I was not innocent in this whole process. I said horrible things and did some mean things to him as he did to me. Now, it’s all gone. I have let it go. I see all the beautiful things now that we can be. We can be unstoppable together. I see him. I see him in the light. He is an excellent businessman and probably the smartest person I know. My niece is probably his favorite person in the whole world. He loves to eat and knows where to go and what to order. He has a presence in a room where you know he is just full of power in the best kind of way. I see the innermost parts of who he is and I still choose him. That’s love. That’s pure and divine love. He sees me. All of me- even the extremely messy parts. He still chose to be brave and open up to me anyway. When the forgiveness really hit me, I not only forgave him, but I forgave myself too. I wrote him a letter right before I left apologizing for how I had hurt him. Acknowledging how brave and vulnerable he had been and thanking him for that.
When we open ourselves up, to see the innermost parts of people and love them anyway. We are elevating ourselves to love in a divine way.
When I create, I believe I am connecting with my precious divine power. When I forgive, I feel enriched to live a life more full of love. Reaching for this Divine presence in everything I do is something I aspire to daily. I will leave you with this beautiful quote that Alexander Pope said, “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”