Lighthouse of Empathy

                  Time is such an abstract idea and yet, it has such a strong presence in our society. I have often wrestled with time. I spent years of my life where time seemed endless and everything dark and broken. I kept on thinking would it ever end? People would always say things like it will get better just hold on for a little longer and I would always answer but when?

                  I am now halfway into my thirtieth year on this earth, and I can confirm that things have definitely improved. My life now is so different from anything I have known in the past. There is joy, peace, and harmony. Even in moments where I am overwhelmed with tasks and lifey stuff, I find myself coming back to a healthier place- that this moment is not forever.

                  The truth of the matter is time never really defined my life before. It was more the intensity of my emotions that directed my life. I think as I grow and mature, I find myself moving more toward a place of stability in mindset and resound resilience within the midst of things. But a good majority of life was spent upon a boat in the middle of sea either worshipping the waves of joy or cursing the storms of sadness that plagued the sea. On this boat, I felt my life was immensely different from everyone back on land. They had no experience with intensity that was born into each droplet of water in my ocean. They did not know how the hard the ocean crashed upon me drowning me in sadness or how it roared against my boat casting its waves of anger onto me. They also had not experienced the sunsets at sea or how the blues blended together to create this perfect painting of serenity.

                  I spent that majority of my life in the throes of intensity of my emotions. I thought maybe it was something that had cursed me but also made me very unique. I have swayed from hating myself in how I feel to appreciating the gift. Right now, I have come to this beautiful cliff overlooking the sea and I can view it from an objective lens. I find beauty in how the sea ebbs and flows; I also find despair in the way it can feel lonely and isolating. The sea always calls back to me though. In the most recent years, it’s called me to dive deeper into the waves and face them head on. It is a beautiful thing to look at something that once plagued you and now see it for what it truly is. Holding my capacity to feel deeply in both hands, I see now that it is both a blessing and a curse. I will understand people and stories that many can’t. I will navigate waters of deep brokenness within the world because I can sit alongside those weary travelers and see them completely. To feel deeply also means to see deeply.

                  There is a space I operate in almost daily where I allow people to feel seen even if it’s exhausting or time consuming or heavy because it’s my calling and because that person is worth it. Hearing stories and saving a place for them allows for deep healing to come about. Sometimes the healing moves in droplets of water and other times it crashes over us like a wild wave at sea.

                  It took so much time to be able to see the gift of empathy for what it truly is- a calling, a blessing and a curse. I won’t be able to walk through life proclaiming not my problem. I will never believe in that mentality no matter how much easier of a path it may be. Empathy at its core is time redefined in the essence of love. Is our time really ours to navigate or is it part of a bigger story? That’s a question that has been ponder for ages, but what if we have been focusing on the wrong question. What if the question is- how does love navigate time? If we want to be a people of love, then we must ask ourselves what it takes to get there. I think if love were to give us an answer it would be both simple and complex. I think love would reply, “Time is calculated easily, but when love enters the picture there is not an easy way to define time. Love does not seek to set borders to the constraints of time rather it pushes against them in order to let the beautiful garden grow wildly rather than be fenced in. Love is wild, reckless, and sacrificial. It has no concept of time. Love only knows the deep intensity of its core.”

                  Reflecting on my own story, I now believe that time felt so painful in the past because love was growing a garden without fences. Love was transforming me into a park, a deep well, and a lighthouse. A place for me to hold space, and love for others while also being a strong foundation of light. Building things that are strong enough to weather grand storms takes time and sacrifice. If I have come to any conclusions on the topics of time, love, and empathy it’s that there needs to be an abundance of all of them when seeing someone completely.

                  All this time at sea with my own intense emotions, God was building me into a lighthouse. He wanted me to have years of knowledge on the ebbs and flows of the ocean and firsthand experience. The way He has loved me while growing me has been like the ocean- consistent, strong, and steadfast. Now, I find that it is my turn to utilize this lighthouse of empathy for others to navigate their own boats within this chaotic sea we call life.

The Magic of Original Art

                  I still remember the first piece of original art I fell in love with. There was a gallery showing for the art school I went to. I walked in and my eyes immediately landed on this painting. It was absolutely stunning, and I knew without a doubt that it was meant to be mine. The painting was of an African American woman with a greyish blue background and as her head faded there was a swirling of brushstrokes of all these different colors. My soul connected with this piece. It reminded me of my struggle with depression as a teen and young adult. This piece was the beginning of my art collection.

                  As a professional artist, I believe that is vital to own original art. Having my own personal art collection offers me insider insight into what it means to fall in love with a piece, the buying process, and ultimately hanging it up in my home. I have 22 pieces of original art in my collection along with a handful of prints. I think there is a huge difference from owning a print to owning an original because of what the original brings into our homes.

                  Owning an original painting is making a statement to yourself and to the world. It is a declaration of belief that art is vital to our daily living not just a luxury. Our daily lives are filled to the brim with art including the music we listen to in our cars, the architecture of the buildings we work in, and how we decorate our homes. Those are just a couple of examples of how art manifests itself into our lives. Truly, art is interwoven into everything we do. When a person invests in an original piece of art, it is a message that you believe in the power, truth, and beauty of art. Original art is vital to our lives because it reminds us of the beauty of creation and this magnificent world we live in.

                  When buying a piece of art, you aren’t just investing in art as a whole or the particular piece. You are also investing in the artist and their journey. I think this is such a beautiful part that sometimes get missed in the height of the moment. A painting is never just the amount of hours an artist spent creating it. The painting is a compilation of all the hours of work put into honing the craft, all the tears spent in frustration, all the moments of joy when placing a brushstroke, and all the experiences that led this artist to creating art. There is so much beauty in storytelling and in believing in a good story down to your bones. Believing in the story of an artist is a work of art in itself.

                  My favorite reason for why owning original art is vital is what it does to the space you place the artwork in. Original art elevates your home. Not just in the traditional sense of bringing something beautiful to decorate your home, which is amazing. It also elevates your space by reminding you that life is worth living, there is beauty in the unknown, stories are worth remembering, memories are bittersweet, relationships are vital, art is inspiring, and color is divine. Original art calls us to a higher level of thinking and living so when it occupies your space it is a constant visual reminder of all the good in the world. It is a guidepost reminding you that beauty is not overrated, and that beauty is something to look for in our daily lives.

                  There is something really special about owning original art because of all that it declares and reminds you of. Art is vital to this world; we wouldn’t survive without it. Collecting a piece is such a magnificent choice that will continue to light up your life through all your years and then be passed down for generations to come. Original art is not just a luxury; it’s a story, a belief system, a reminder, and a transformation. Art is alive and it’s calling out to you today. It’s asking you to be brave, take the leap and invest in something that will bring only light into your world.

The Beauty of Traveling

Growing up I preferred comfort. I didn’t really enjoy change or trying new things. There are a couple exceptions to this, but for the most part I really enjoyed being comfortable. As I have grown up, I have realized that comfort is not the ultimate goal. The Divine does not call us to be comfortable. In fact, I believe that God calls us to reach into the depths of our soul for strength to push beyond comfort and into challenge, and change.

                  Traveling is a huge part of my life. I didn’t fall in love with traveling though until I turned 18. When I graduated high school, my Dad gave me a gift to travel anywhere for two weeks. I chose London and Paris. It wasn’t until this trip that I fell in love with the beauty of traveling. All throughout my 20’s I have traveled and been to 14 different countries. It has been the greatest gift to spend my 20’s growing in a way that is so unique. When you travel internationally, it is uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong though, traveling is magnificent and magical. There are a lot of aspects of traveling though that aren’t glamorous and don’t get posted on the social media reel.

                  Here’s the thing though, traveling opens up new worlds filled with beauty encompassing different cultures, languages, food, dances, architecture, and nature. Traveling opens up your soul to the possibility that change, and differences aren’t always negative.  It is the gift of humility. It allows us to experience different ways of life and think, wow, maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all along. Or maybe there isn’t just one correct way to live. Maybe there is magic to be unraveled with diversity in thought, language, and culture.

                  Travel allowed me to experience the world at new depths and more specifically to experience God’s love at new levels. I found that within those moments, where I am offered an opportunity to step outside my comfort zone, there was a newfound love. Love for the world, love for people, and love for God. In my humility, I opened up a treasure box of gifts overflowing with joy.

                  I have met some of the coolest people in places I’ve traveled and I’m sure there are so many more to come. I have experienced the most breathtaking landscapes, like Machu Picchu. I have run into the most incredible art museums. I have journeyed across different lands to meet foreign people with different ways of life. I have seen their joy, and I have experienced the brokenness of their world. It has also given me clarity when looking at my own life. Celebrating the joys and lamenting the brokenness of living in the U.S.

                  Travel does so many things to grow our souls, our bodies and our minds. It gives us glimpses of the diversity of the Kingdom of God. It highlights the beauty of celebrating our differences and opening our doors to change. After many years of traveling internationally, I still get nervous before each trip. There is anxiety when encountering new things and not knowing the language or the culture. However, I always come back to the truth; that I would rather push up against my comfort zone and enter into these moments on international trips in order to experience the beauty of the unknown and the different.

                  As I am preparing to leave for another international trip soon, I find myself confronting the anxiety once again and diving into truth. The truth that diversity builds us up in a way nothing else can. The truth that humility is important to cultivate. The truth that traveling ignites my soul in a way nothing else can. Finally, the truth that I deeply experience God on these trips as I travel into the unknown and the different with a heart to love and a desire to grow.

Making Time for Interruptions

                  “Since you have nothing important to do- Can you take photos of these paintings for me?” This question wasn’t posed at me personally, but toward my Dad. My 91 year old best friend, Joan, from Barcelona asked my Dad for help and simultaneously annoyed him at the same time. The thing about Joan is that he has a way of teaching people lessons without knowing it. Later that day my Dad confessed that the question had ruffled his feathers. I told my Dad that sometimes in order to love people well we have to be sacrificial with our time. That sometimes we may be interrupted in what we are doing that could very well be important in order to help someone else. Often times the beauty in these relationships comes from the awakening that you learned and were given so much in return for that one interruption.

                  I remember so vividly praying to see Barcelona through the eyes of God. I wanted to see where his heart broke, where it leapt for joy, and where it was calling me to be. In order for this blog to make sense and for you to get the whole picture I want to describe a bit of who I was before I left for Spain. I was always busy and anxious. In the previous 6 months before leaving, I had started nursing school as a backup plan for being a professional artist. I kind of lost faith in myself and in what I believe God is calling me to. I was insanely busy all the time trying to manage an online and accelerated nursing program while balancing my art career, nannying part time, being involved at church, having a social life, taking care of my two dogs and home, and trying to be balanced and healthy. There was absolutely no wiggle room in my schedule. Often times I was not just booked but over booked. If I am being completely honest, my life was miserable more accurately I was miserable.

                  When I came to Barcelona, my nervous system was finally able to breathe again. Walking to the artistic club every day, I opened my eyes to finally see the world. It was like taking that first drink of water in the morning after a long night of intense sleep. Refreshing. My life slowed down in a way that helped me come back alive. I found myself wondering about the world again- wondering what that woman on the metro was puzzled in thought over. I wondered how good that Mexican restaurant I passed every day on the way to work was. I wondered how the Spanish managed to capture beauty so well in all their architecture even in their banks. As my wondering took me to new heights of mindfulness, I was reminded of what it means to be present.

                  Being present though was not the only ingredient in the mix to why I felt my time in Barcelona was transformational. It was the intentional act of slowing down and making time for interruptions. I found myself stopping to do things for other people, appreciating the local flowers, enjoying a delicious cup of gelato. My favorite interruptions though were from people. People who I met at the artistic club, people on the street, people in coffee shops. Honestly, people everywhere was my favorite type of interruption.

                  Because I think if we are really honest with ourselves, there is an underlying truth that we all known but sometimes are scared to speak out loud. We want to be seen by others. In fact, we crave to be seen. As I allowed interruptions in my time in Spain to happen frequently, I found myself being blessed in more ways than one. I was learning and growing from people so different than me. I was blessed with the gift of time- there never seemed to be a lack of it. What I truly believed was happening is the divine work of God and how He heals us through people.

                  When I was reflecting toward the end of my trip, I wrote down “making time for interruptions” as one of the greatest key learnings while in Spain. I thought about this for a moment longer and realized that Jesus made time for interruptions. In fact, sometimes the interruptions were the pivotal point of the story. There is so much beauty to be found when we make authentic space for people to be seen. Healing happens on such a deep level, and it ignites a passion for love and for more connection. When we are seen, we know we belong. The belonging is an important piece because it allows for depth of relationships to happen.

Making time for interruptions in our busy, very planned and organized lives is essential. It is essential because being seen can be life altering for both parties involved. Humanity doesn’t just exist to work, to play or to rest, Humanity exists to be in relationships that heal us, give us meaning, and bring us toward a greater whole. Making time for interruptions is so against the hustle culture, but I find that in the interruptions is where the magic happens. By the end of the trip, I found my Dad to be very fond of my best friend Joan. He delighted in the time we spent with him. We even took him to a really nice dinner and dessert a couple days before we left. Watching my Dad experience the goodness of interruptions was a beautiful experience. It is an experience that I hope everyone receives sometime in their life. Because once you let someone be seen and in return, they see you; there is a divine exchange that happens. It is forming. The training of loving humanity is a dedicated practice that takes effort and sacrifice, but the benefits are priceless.

Friendship in Spain

                  “I pray that Gabby remembers that just because she is leaving the country doesn’t mean she is leaving the borders of your love.” These words were spoken over me right before I left for Spain and five minutes prior to them I admitted to my pastor about being scared about leaving and being alone in foreign country. When I arrived in Spain, I had a pretty wild first 48 hours. I remember feeling extremely overwhelmed as I switched into a new culture, new rhythm of living, and a new time zone. Something I felt in the midst of all of this chaos swirling around me was an unexplainable peace. I knew that I had made the right decision in coming to Barcelona. This chasm of a leap in faith was just what I needed in my life at that exact moment. I knew God was with me on this journey across the sea and what I discovered while I was there was the ultimate gift.

                  Friendship is one of the most beautiful experiences of humanity. This is one of the truths that I learned in Spain. There were significant people in my time in Spain that truly made my time there special. The friendship that I discovered the most from though was the one with my Creator. I have always had a deep relationship with God. It is the foundation of who I am at my very core. My identity is rooted in my faith and who I believe God calls me to be. This trip though opened my eyes to what it means to have authentic friendship with the God of the Universe. If you don’t particularly identity with a faith or a belief system or maybe it's different than mine, I urge you to stay with me. Maybe there is something in my words that will speak to you in ways you may not have predicted and in return, I promise to only speak on my experience with the intention of love, hope, and life-giving truth.

                  One of my biggest prayers as I flew to Barcelona with a heart to spread my art to the world is that people would be able to see God in my art and in me. I desired so deeply that people would feel the well of goodness from which all life flows through the brushstrokes on my canvas. Outside of my work, I wanted to reflect God’s character in the best way I could. I asked God daily to let me see Barcelona and the people there through His eyes. It is through these prayers that I feel my friendship with God deepened. I began to see Him through all the things throughout the day. Like any good friendship, it is built upon trust, communication, and time spent. I found myself continually seeking God in each moment asking Him to reveal Himself to me. And here is what I found- God loves to surprise and delight us because He longs to have an intimate relationship with us. I will give you some examples in the following paragraphs and I hope they make you squeal with joy as they did to me in the moment and even as I recall them for you.

                  One day I was walking home from a beautiful local dance and music show that displayed the beautiful culture of Catalonia at one of the most beautiful buildings in Barcelona- Palau de La Musica Catalana. It is one of Guadi’s famous works in Barcelona and is stunning in every way. The details are exquisite. It was probably one of my favorite nights that I spent out in Barcelona, but something even more special happened on the way home. There is a homeless man who lived near my building, and I saw him almost everyday walking to work. I firmly believe it is important that we all feel seen in this world regardless of our circumstances, so I always made eye contact, smiled, and waved. This particularly evening I was all dressed up and wearing heels and a nice dress. I saw him in this makeshift bed leaning against a building and he was tucked in tight. I remember thinking it was the cutest thing. I waved to him and said goodnight in Spanish. He looked up and his face just immediately lit up and then he said,” Guapa, Guapa, Guapa!” I knew he didn’t mean it in a provocative way because I could feel the pureness from it. I smiled back and chuckled all the way home. I thought about what it means to make someone feel seen and how in return you can feel it just as much if not more. It was a pivotal moment for me in Spain and maybe some of you don’t understand. I get it- you are thinking there was so much beauty to the night and the moment with the homeless man was your favorite? It’s because my favorite part of being human is being a part of humanity and participating in the overall health as a whole. For me, that is defined in how I show up in life, how I behave in my relationships, and what I give to the world. This moment lit me up just as it lit that man up because it solidified what means the most to me- to reflect God in His desire to love us and let us be seen.

                  In my previous blog, I mentioned my friendship with Joan Bueno- the 91-year-old artist I met at the Cercle. His friendship brought me so much joy and laughter. It ignited a part of me that I felt was a little broken. He reminded me not to be ashamed of how free I can be, but to actually embrace it. In the moments I spent with him I found myself laughing so hard I would shed tears. I smiled so much that my cheeks began to hurt. I felt free from all the constraints I had put on myself. There are so many lessons I learned from this friendship. One of the major ones was how humanity is interconnected and just because someone is widely different than us doesn’t mean we cannot connect or love them a lot. There was a special moment in this friendship as well that led me to the importance of what it means to be seen. Feel free to read the previous blog for all the details.

                  “My little butterfly” is the nickname that my best friend from Brazil, Juliana, gave me in Barcelona. My friendship with Juliana came about fast as we discovered the love we had for each other even without knowing the other person super well. She taught me what It means to extend true hospitality. She let me be seen in my raw form. We came from different experiences and honestly completely different lives and yet I love my friend Juliana so much. She showed up for me even when I felt I was asking too much. She would always say “Count on me”. It reminded me of the friendship between Winnie the Pooh and Piglet; it came easy and didn’t need much fluff. The friendship was just simply there. Juliana is utterly beautiful in every sense, but my favorite thing about her is how she loves people sacrificially by putting aside her own time and energy to help people just to do so. She taught me that sometimes being seen means letting people in even if it makes you uncomfortable. I had to ask for her help a lot and it was really uncomfortable, but on the other side I found that I learned so much from her and how she aided me during my time there.

                  All these people unveiled the truth that God works through all things and people regardless of how they feel about Him. I believe we are all made in God’s image and so inherently we are reflecting bits and pieces of His character. These friendships that happened in such a short period of time allowed me to deepen my friendship with God. I saw Him working through all things for my good (Romans 8:28). The beauty of humanity is the relationships we create and how love flourishes when we allow ourselves to be seen as well as choosing to see others. God utilized all these different people from completely different backgrounds to deepen my understanding of who He is.  We, humans, have the opportunity to see people and to let ourselves be seen. When we do this act of vulnerability, I believe we are getting just a glimpse at the goodness that awaits us with a relationship with God.

The Gifts of Barcelona

Spain was magical in the way that you believe in fairies and superheroes as a little kid. It constantly surprised me in the most beautiful and unexpected ways. I feel like being an artist can be defined by a person who finds beauty in the ordinary and in the unexpected. With this definition in mind, I lived like a true artist while in Barcelona. There was so much beauty everywhere I looked even when in the face of the brokenness of the world. I was able to see God’s hand in each path that I walked of the decorative streets of Barcelona. I left Spain a completely different person than when I arrived. There were so many lessons and gifts that came my way. Leaving Spain, I am filled with joy, wisdom, and insight. This blog is my written diary of all those beautiful lessons and gifts that entered into my life there. I hope you will love the journey as much as I did.

Now, take a minute with me and imagine what it’s like to leave everything you know and are comfortable with for a trip across the sea for 10 weeks in a foreign country with a completely different culture and knowing no one there. It may be hard to imagine just because of how wild it is. I still can’t believe I did it. Only a week before I left did I begin to have second thoughts, doubt and fear. I am so glad I pushed past them because of what I experienced there. My first lesson was completely experiential; it taught me that sometimes the best experiences in life start with a river filled with fear. But once one passes through the river and arrives on the other side, there is this landscape that is utterly breathtaking and divine. I know now that fear can be an extremely helpful emotion to alert dangerous situations, but sometimes fear blocks us from living our truest life. One that encompasses an extraordinary amount of joy, laughter and goodness. Fear is sometimes the first step in life altering journey that pushes you to the depths of God’s love.

                  One of the biggest gifts was discovering what it means to find beauty in the unexpected. This phrase came to me while writing a post for social media during my time in Barcelona. I found that the more I looked and opened my eyes; the more beauty I discovered in the corners of life that are often overlooked. One example of this was my friendship with a 91-year-old artist Joan Bueno. The moment I met him I felt life surging through my body because of how much life he exudes in each moment. We quickly developed a deep friendship through our shared love for art, creating with a purpose, and lots of moments filled with laughter. Joan always made me laugh in the way that is full and fills up the room with joy. He is free and alive in a way that many people will never experience because of their own judgment, perceptions or fear. He is kind, helpful, witty, disciplined, hard-working, stubborn, and loving. During my time in Barcelona, I saw him every day Monday through Friday. My third week there I invited him to lunch, and it was a blast. I learned so much from my time spent with Joan and the friendship we made touched me in more ways than one.  

                  One of my focus words for 2024 was balance. I have struggled with balancing my life as an adult since the very beginning of adulthood. In Spain, I was given the gift of learning what it means to live a balanced and full life. The biggest takeaway being that in order to have balance one must rest. Rest is fundamental to achieving a life of balance. In the beginning of Creation, God made a point to have a full day of rest. As an adult, I never could accomplish rest. Even the idea of resting made me incredibly uncomfortable. ‘To rest is to be lazy’ was often my mantra for myself. Barcelona taught me the power of rest and how it ultimately makes one more productive in the short and long term. I found myself completely in love with being balanced. Every day I was moving my body, eating whole foods, connecting with other artists, listening to music, reading for leisure, and connecting with God. I recognized that a life filled with work dominating everything is really not a life well lived. A meaningful life involves many different pieces coming together to make the puzzle complete.

                  The final lesson I want to share with you is the truth that God’s timing is perfect. I have always struggled with this concept of “God’s timing”. It felt like a feel-good way for people to say ‘it’s not happening yet but maybe one day’ to one’s desires that are very deeply felt and intimate to a person. What I learned is that God’s timing is really beautiful in that all the steppingstones leading up to the viewpoint finally make sense. God’s timing is being able to see the waterfall after a long strenuous hike knowing that it was all worth it in the end. Feeling the breeze of the cool waterfall and the mist as it caresses one’s face. In that moment, one can’t help but take a deep breath of gratitude. When I came to Barcelona, I was filled with fear and doubt. I was definitely in a fake it till you make it phase. Then as God started opening doors to other opportunities, friendships were being made, rest became a true companion, balance found its way into my life, and laughter was a common occurrence, I realized that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The peace that comes from knowing you are in the right place at the right time is truly divine. There is nothing like it and no words can truly describe that type of peace.

                  Barcelona helped me come alive in a way that no place has before. God gave me the greatest trip that was overflowing with powerful transformation, bundles of joy, dedicated hard-work, intricate balance, new experiences, delicious food, kind friends, and beautiful art. It was the trip of a lifetime, but truly just the start to many more to come. I am so confident in who I am now and what I am here to do. I am proud to be me and honored to create art. Magic has filled me to the brim with joy from all the beauty that Spain so generously gave me. One of my good friends in Barcelona nicknamed me as her little butterfly and I don’t think there is anything more prophetic than that name in this moment. I am the butterfly who has transformed into a powerful woman who delights in the good gifts God gives. I will continue to soar through life with joy and wonder, always cherishing the present adventure and anticipating the next courageous journey.

Thank you for coming along with me in this crazy and wild life I live. As always, I hope my art inspires you to love more, connect often, and pursue healing.

Year of Renewal - 2023

My word of intention for 2023 was -Renewal. I desired to renew my mind, body and spirit through God’s transformative work. There were so many things that made 2023 an amazing year for me. At first though as I was reflecting, I felt that my growth and accomplishments were insignificant. I didn’t think that my growth counted because it still isn’t where I would like to be long term. The Lord really impressed on my heart that nothing He does in my life is insignificant. That each step in the right direction matters greatly to Him and His heart.

            I started writing down how God renewed me in 2023. I would love to share with you and as I do I ask that you read from a lens of a compassionate heart. For many years, I have struggled with trying to escape difficult situations or emotions through addictive like tendencies. The list of how I escape use to be longer and I have done a lot of work to abandon certain unhealthy coping skills, but there was more work to be done in 2023.

            At the start of 2023, I was at my breaking point with several of these unhealthy coping skills. I was drowning in shame, depression, and grief. I was slowly decaying and my life was unmanageable. I started the year on my knees begging, pleading, and praying to the God of the universe to renew me. I started looking for ways that I could begin to seek help and I found them. This year I spent time in an intensive outpatient diving deeper into my childhood hurts, trauma, and insecurities. I also joined a program for women who were seeking ways of connecting to others in a healthy manner. I stepped inside the gym again for the first time in 3 years. I reached out to my community for prayer, and wisdom. I sought discernment from wise spiritual leaders and let them mentor me. I read many self-help, poetry, and inspirational books to strengthen my mind. I spent time with God on walks, in my car, with the children I nanny, in church, in coffee shops, in random buildings, in therapy, in relationships, in my home, and in nature. I started hiking and going on walks again. I began school for nursing.  I reached out to loved ones when I was severely depressed. There were so many things I did this year to renew my mind, body, and spirit.

As I truly thought about it, these were huge improvements to the way I was living life. I showed up in all the rooms I entered authentically. I was incredibly vulnerable most of the year because I knew that’s what needed to happen. I laid out my deepest regrets, my biggest lies, and my greatest shame. I confessed the sin that had plagued my life and vowed to live in the light no matter how hard it was.

The most beautiful thing happened as I showed up into all the rooms I entered with light in my mind, body, and spirit. I found that the Lord was utilizing me in ways I couldn’t even see in the moment. He was guiding me through being a vessel of His love. In my most raw moments, the Lord employed me to reach others’ hearts. It was the most humbling experience to know the Creator sees me in my most raw form and says,  “You, yes you! I love you dearly. You are deeply flawed and you are also chosen. You sin and yet you are holy. You are rash, impulsive, and emotional and also passionate, driven, and empathetic. I see your beauty. I see your shortcomings. I see it all and I love you still.” The Creator chose me for this path. He knew I would struggle in the ways that I do. He knew my deepest shame and my greatest strengths. He still chose me, and He chooses me daily.

Now, looking back with a clearer perspective. I see how God shaped me. My eyes have been opened to how deeply He loves me and how deeply I am loved by others. I still have many flaws and much work to do. Yet, there is hope. There is victory. There is freedom in Christ. The steps I have taken this year are the foundation for where I am going or more accurately where God is leading me.

This year many things were put on hold while I sought out this renewal of mind, body, spirit. I didn’t create as much or as often as I would have liked. I didn’t meet my financial goals. There was a lot of pain, and tears shed this year. I experienced seasons of deep darkness with my depression.

There was also a lot I accomplished such as live paintings at two conferences with more than 300 people. I displayed my art all over Europe and South America in galleries. I had local exhibits in Downtown Phoenix as well as at the Phoenix Zoo. I created a new series of abstracts that I am very proud of. I stepped into the gym and prioritized moving my body. I dived deeper into my relationship with God through community, the Word, and church. I became a member at Redemption Tempe. I was discipled and led well by many people. I sought help for addictive tendencies. I formed a relationship with my brother and sister in law, which is not only creating new life, but also healing past hurts. I made new memories around the holidays without drowning in despair. I made new friendships with women that are life giving. I have continued old friendships and watched them grow and flourish. I finally went back to Mexico and faced fear of the grief with my cousin. I healed lies of being a burden and unworthy through letting people show up for me. I read 26 books this year and started an accelerated nursing program. I showed up for myself and others authentically, loved deeply and shared vulnerably. There is so much to celebrate.

Renewal I have found doesn’t come in great big rash moments. It comes in the daily mundane. It shows up as we come authentically with all of who we are. It is in the smallest moments that seem to build traction as we move along. Renewal is something to be sought after, to be cherished, and to be greatly admired.

Thank you for being a part of my journey this year for watching me fall and scrape my knees, for helping me get back up and praying for me as I move forward into the unknown. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for praying for me, talking with me, sitting with me, cheering me on, guiding me, and loving me well. So many of you showed up in deep ways and for that I am forever grateful.

 To my Creator, I owe you everything and then more. I hope to share your goodness with the world and with my community. I desire for everyone to know your love through my words, actions, and story.

May we continue this wild ride knowing how deeply loved we are. Cheers to 2024.

The Gifts of Transformation

Renewal. That has been my word of intention for 2023. God has been so faithful in His outpouring of transformation of mind, body, and spirit this year. I have found that as I am more and more transformed God continues to use me as a beacon of light to others struggling. As I have experienced in my own life, transformation is often times a slow and drawn-out process. I know that God has His own definition of time and that usually doesn’t line up with my desiring timeline. The beauty about trusting in the Lord’s timing though is that along the way we are giving these beautiful gifts both small and large.

            I truly believe that these gifts often come in the form of lessons, people, and metaphors. Sometimes when we are trekking up a mountain, we can only see a few feet in front because we are so focused on not losing our own footing or we look too far ahead and become immensely overwhelmed with the prospect of the future climb. The lesson of the pathway we are walking often is dependent on the ground we walk upon. Are we grounded and have a firm foundation so no matter what terrain we know that we can absorb what is to come? Or are we timid in our abilities to conquer any terrain so we end up focusing so much on the ground we travel on that we miss all the signposts and beauty that surrounds us?

            Often the gifts that are displayed along the journey are somewhat hidden in the scenic views. Sometimes though they are blaring at us in stark contrast and other times they are immensely disguised in the trees. This is why it is so important to train one’s heart to be in a constant state of gratitude and love. When I approach my life from a viewpoint of gratefulness, I can clearly see all the gifts both miniscule and immense. This is due to the fact that gratefulness opens our hearts to a whole other world of possibilities. That’s the beauty of it because each moment can be seen from a lens that allows us to open our hearts to what God is trying to communicate.

            Our God is not a distant far-off man in robes with no intention of ever being involved in our lives. That is a skewed and heart-breaking view of what a distant earthly father can be. This is not true of the God of the Universe. He is a loving omnipresent God with every intention of being our bestie, the perfect parent, and our trusted counselor. He wants to communicate with us not just daily but moment to moment. That’s where the gifts come in- they are His way of telling us how deeply loved and known we are. Our heart must be in the right place though to be able to experience them to the fullest.

Lessons, people, and metaphors dance into our lives with every intention of being digested. Yet, if we operate from a place of bitterness, anger, or internal chaos we could miss the beautiful divine dialogue that God is longing to have. As I am journeying through my life, I hope to always operate from a place of deep empathy, sacrificial love, and unending gratitude. This is where the beacon of light originates from. This intricate and incredibly personal relationship with God that ignites fire to the flame of empathy, love, and gratitude. This fire not only warms my spirit and others seeking refuge, but it also lights the pathway for whatever road I may encounter. Renewal is just the beginning of the power that I hold within. As I create, love, write, speak, and listen, I am allowing space to let myself be known. The most beautiful aspect of renewal is that it has ripple effects of great multitude. To be known, and to heal is also to change the world. Vulnerability and renewal are two old friends that work together to thread the most beautiful quilt. My life is just one patch in an endless amount of material and yet each stitching has the power to move lives with just a pinch of light. Renewal. It is the beginning of an ongoing conversation about the beauty of God communicating with us.

Rest, Reflect, & Realign

There are points in my life where I honestly feel like crumbling into a ball and shutting down. I get so overwhelmed with what I am doing or where I am going. The simplest way to describe it is being paralyzed with fear. When this starts to happen, I notice that I seem to be lacking balance in my life as well. And then I start to ponder to myself with where do I even start to get my life back on track. So, the question is how do I pull myself out of the deep hole I have fallen into?

For me, it starts with rest, reflection, and realignment. The past couple of weeks I have been really sick with strep. I also started this new series on mermaids, which have been so fun and challenging at the same time. The more I tried to recover from being sick though the more I felt apprehensive about getting into the studio again.

I started putting this immense amount of pressure on myself. That’s when I realized that I needed to take a step back to rest. It’s amazing how anxiety provoking rest can be when your not use to it. Or in my case, you simply avoid resting at all costs. I have been challenged the past couple of weeks to truly sit in the act of resting. It’s been a journey to say the least.

Now, as I am almost completely recovered from sickness I found myself with so much anxiety about getting back to work. This is where I told myself it was time to reflect on why there is so much fear bubbling up. There are a lot of different types of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of abandonment. Fear of rejection. And the list goes on. Fear can be extremely rational response to our environment and it also can be twisted into something it was not meant to originally do.

The more I reflected the more I came back to seeing the fears that plagued me early on in my career when I first starting pursuing art professionally. I challenged myself to approach these thoughts with mindfulness. Acknowledging that they exist and then seeking God in prayer to realign me with my identity. To reawaken my confidence in my purpose and my strength in seeing the world in color. You see when I am haunted by fear the world seems to lose some of its vibrancy.  

Today I am choosing to see the world with joy and color. I am choosing to believe in myself with the upmost confidence. I have taken time to dig through the mess of the slip in structure and balance. And now, its time to move forward with grace and with joyful purpose. 

 I find that sometimes you need time to let the waves of the oceans tickle your feet softly before you dive in. But sometimes you need to push yourself right into the waves of the ocean even though it might be cold at first.

This is my moment to dive right in. To let the water rebirth and cleanse my soul in ways I couldn’t do alone. God and art do this for me simultaneously.  

You may wonder why I am being so vulnerable with you. First reason is I want you to know I have grit. I have chosen this path of being professional artist and I am confident that this is what I am meant to do. Along with that, I want to thank you for your continued patience, support, love and encouragement. Every like, comment, share, and painting collected means the world to me. Finally, I believe that we all go through cycles of life where we doubt, struggle, or lose balance in our lives. It is important to know you are not alone and you are not a failure for being human and having an unproductive day, week, or even month. Life continues to buzz and blossom onwards, but it is always ready to welcome you back into purposefully movement.  

So, if you find yourself just floating along and maybe losing balance or struggling with your purpose. Try resting, reflecting, and realigning. Let me know how it works for you because ultimately we are in this together.

As always, much love and thanks for reading.

“Finally, I believe that we all go through cycles of life where we doubt, struggle, or lose balance in our lives. It is important to know you are not alone and you are not a failure for being human and having an unproductive day, week, or even month. Life continues to buzz and blossom onwards, but it is always ready to welcome you back into purposefully movement. “  

Saying Yes

As many of you know from following me on social media, the last couple of weeks have been insanely busy for me. I have been creating and spending so much time in the studio. I have also been busy with live paintings at different events. I never use to do live painting. In fact, it scared me so much it made me sick to my stomach thinking about it.

On March 25th, I got asked to do my first live painting at The Grove church in Chandler, Arizona. It was just two days before the event and they really needed another artist to complete the Pastor’s vision for that service. I went in to talk to the Pastor directly and I remember thinking to myself there is no way I am going to do this. I had so much fear around the idea of live painting. Most of the fear coming from my ego that the finished work would not be good enough. That the painting would turn out ugly and people would be disappointed.

As I went in and met with the woman organizing the services for the artists to come and paint, I heard what the sermon was about and what they were looking for. I politely listened with every intention of telling her no that I wouldn’t be able to do it. It was too last minute and I wouldn’t have enough time to prepare. But as she was speaking, an image popped into my mind of what I would paint based off of the sermon she was describing. I dismissed it quickly and reminded myself that I did not want to do this live painting.

She then went on to introduce me to another artist that was doing the live painting at the three services. I remember talking with him and discussing my fears and reservations. He told me sometimes you just need to say yes and let everything else fall into place. At that moment, I knew he was right.

I felt it deep in my heart that this is exactly what God was calling me to do. He wanted to push me past my comfort zone so He could bless me in new and wild ways. So I said yes. All the fear rushed in, but in addition to that all of this excitement flooded in too. I knew that feeling all too well. I had the same exact response when I chose to pursue being a professional artist full-time.

Saying yes is magical.  It is the answer to the divine calling you forward. It is a response to God taking you out of your comfort zone and placing you on a new unpaved path ready for you to make way. Saying yes to God and His unimaginable plan is trusting in the universe that everything you need will be provided and more. It is knowing that you are in the right place at the right time and the divine is ready to reward you. Saying yes to the unknown and the frightening experience before you is opening the door to a beautiful life filled with passion and purpose.

Saying yes is the key to a meaningful life filled with crazy adventures and wild stories. This doesn’t mean that every opportunity or experience that comes you way you need to say yes to in order to fulfill your purpose or please the people in your life. On the contrary, it means strategically saying yes to the things that scare you. The things that once you do, you know that your heart will ignite with passion. The things that have the ability to push you into something new- something that has been waiting for you all your life. Saying yes actually does mean saying no to a lot of other experiences, people, or ways of life. It is saying no to comfort, to stability, and to the easy way out. Saying no to things that don’t serve you whether it be people, places, or jobs.

Saying yes is something that should be selective. Sometimes reflected upon and sometimes impulsive. The important part of learning how to say yes is trusting your heart, listening to the Divine and seeing where He or She is leading you to go.

The moment I started saying yes to God when He called me forward and into the unknown is the moment everything else in my life started to fall into place. Saying yes to my heart and to God has taken me on this unbelievable path that has lead me to joy, peace, and success. My hope for you is that you learn how to say yes to the universe, yes to your heart, and yes to God. Because everyone deserves a life filled with passion, purpose, success, joy, and fulfillment. Life is meant to full of belly laughter, crazy ah-ha moments, fearful and uncomfortable situations that lead you into something much more magnificent.

You deserve to say yes. Let your heart lead the way. And be sure to pass along this message of inspiration. Saying yes is a magical chain reaction.

2020- The Year of Unexpectedness

Wow, 2020 has been crazy! I saw a meme the other day that said in the future when something is really intense we will say “just like 2020, right?” While 2020 has come with a whirlwind of unexpectedness and honestly down right hard crap. I do believe there are things to celebrate. Babies were still born. Love still flourished above all. And we, humanity, as a whole realized how dang important community is. We thrive off of relationships whether we like to admit it or not. I have been so blessed to have the most amazing friends and family and to connect with even more people over this past year.

  This year has definitely been a year of unexpectedness for me-- both personally and professionally. This was the year that I finally got a puppy after years of saying that I wanted one. And let me tell you, Monet is just as cute as she appears on my social media. I also have had the opportunity to buy a house this year, which I had not planned in the slightest. It was also the year that I lost two people whom I loved a lot and had made a huge impact on my life. My sweet and spunky grandmother and my beautiful and wild cousin passed away in 2020. To be honest, a lot of tears were shed. I was able to reconnect with family that I hadn’t seen in years though. I felt my humanness and the importance of life more than ever. I reflected on what a gift it is to be alive and well, and even more how beautiful it is to feel even through the hardships.

Professionally, it was such a year of growth and expansion for me. I grew in original art sales 294.5% since 2019; I sold 59 paintings this year in 2020.  I was in 9 different exhibits this year with 5 different companies or galleries. I had my first solo exhibit this year at The Grove. My art had about 50 million impressions over five weeks in South Japan with a digital signage company I partnered with. Avalos fine art was shown virtually in Arizona, Mexico, Argentina, Chile, Puerto Rico, Peru, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and in the most popular cities in the U.S. including New York and Miami and many more. I participated in five different virtual exhibits and three of them being international.  This year my art was displayed in three different exhibits in person including two in a gallery in Downtown Phx. I had a speaking  engagement and pop up art show at the Irish Women’s Conference. All of these amazing opportunities and experiences could not have happened without the support of my family, friends, collectors, and followers. I am so beyond grateful for all of you.

What did I learn most in 2020? I learned how important it is to invest in yourself. Do self-care. Create new things. Build meaningful relationships. Be passionate about your life. When you invest in yourself, everything else just seems to come together after a while. It is almost if the universe, and the creator want you to succeed. One of the other major key learnings from 2020 is things will go wrong. There will be horrible experiences and painful moments, embrace them and let them mold you into someone new, someone more beautiful, and someone who knows what it means to grow out of tribulation. Finally, the last huge thing I learned is show up for yourself. It seems similar to invest in yourself, but it is quite different. Showing up for yourself means believing that you are meant for something more, believing in the beauty of the world, and believing that you can make a change. Every moment of hardship and every tear shed will have purpose now, because you trust that you are meant for more.

 At the end of 2020, I want to acknowledge something I am grateful for because I think that is a powerful practice to foster. I am grateful for how this year has shaped me and built me for the future. I am grateful for all the people who have come along side me as I pursue my passion and love for art. But most of all, I am grateful for how this year has brought me closer to my brother Austin. We have shared more positive and fun memories this past year than the last ten years combined. It has been such a beautiful redemption of a relationship. And if there is still possibility for redemption of broken things and broken relationships, it is still a beautiful world to live in.

 My hope for you is that as you look back on 2020 you are able to acknowledge the trials, but also able to celebrate the joy no matter how small. As we move into 2021, let us bring with us a renewed spirit and mind always hoping for the redemption of brokenness and the beauty of growth. Much love as always and thank you again for all the support.

The Depths of Overcoming

I just recently started a new series called, “The Depths of Overcoming”. I wanted to take the time to explain in more detail what this series really means to me. I have mentioned in previous blog posts and on social media that I struggle with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with five different mental illnesses. In the past 11 years, I have been on a very long and challenging journey of healing. Art has helped me heal so much and truly has uncovered some deep insecurities and lies that I have believed about myself.

I have overcome so much and have received so much healing in the last couple of years. I wanted to do a series to celebrate this overcoming, but also to shed some light on mental illness and overall mental health. Recently, mental health has become a bigger conversation in the United States and furthermore the world, but I still believe that there is a lot of misunderstanding and stigma around mental illness.

This series may make some people uncomfortable or may trigger some negative memories or experiences, but my heart behind, the depths of overcoming, is to educate. As well as to bring healing and joy to those who have experienced mental illness in some way whether it be personally or through a family member or friend.

 The main subject matter of this series is ballerinas. I also am pairing the ballerinas with some subject matter that has been in previous series of mine, which I elevates the work and provides another dimension of story telling. I chose ballerinas because I believe they are so graceful and elegant and at the same time powerful and strong. Each ballerina will represent a different overcoming of a battle or healing process of some type of mental illness. The way that ballerina is positioned, the color used in the painting, and the other subject matter accompanying the ballerina will all have symbolic meaning behind it.

 I encourage you to dive deep into this series. Let yourself feel all the emotions surrounding it. Immerse yourself into the painting and into the healing process. My hope is that you will read and cherish the poetry that accompanies each piece. The poetry will also give you a deeper look into what overcoming I feel the painting is depicting.

 I know mental illness is a very hard topic for most people to understand or even talk about. I also know that when we engage in wholehearted, vulnerable, and authentic conversation in a safe and appropriate manner that it can be very healing and eye opening. This may be uncomfortable for you, but I challenge you to ask yourself the question of why it makes you so uncomfortable. You may realize there is something deeper. My hope is that this series will bring you joy and healing in some way and that you would know that no matter where you are in life or your journey: You are loved. Your past doesn’t define you. There is hope for healing. We are all on different journeys, but let these journeys be filled with hope.

In Retrospect: 2019

“And as she fell apart, her shattered pieces began to bloom—blossoming until she became herself exactly as she was meant to be…” – Becca Lee

This year has been full of growth, in goodness, in joy, in trust, and in peace. I’ve learned so much about myself and about the world around me. I have fallen in love with creating art and seeing people connect to my pieces. I believe in myself wholeheartedly especially as a professional artist. I have these beautiful friendships that are enriching and life-giving. I have the upmost trust in my Creator and Provider. I have restored broken relationships in my family. I feel so blessed. This came with hours, weeks, months, and years of hard work. But now, I am finally here. My life has purpose and I know my worth.

As we enter into this New Year, I want to thank you. Thank you for following me, appreciating my work, collecting my work, reading my blogs, liking my posts, and commenting your thoughts. It all means so much to me. Thank you for making this beautiful life as a professional artist possible for me. As my career of being a professional artist is taking off, I will never forget all of you who followed along this first year and who supported me in a multitude of ways. You are part of something bigger than I can even put into words. You are changing the world along with me. Together we are connecting others back to what really matters, kindness, love, and connection.

Thank you.

 I can’t wait to see what this New Year and new decade brings, but I already know it’s going to be impactful and inspirational.

Driven Authenticity

As the New Year approaches, I have been reflecting a lot on this past year, enjoying the sweet in-between holiday season, and looking forward to the future decade. When thinking about the New Year, I wanted to pick a word to focus on. I couldn’t just choose one though. Driven and authentic- these two words came up in my head immediately as I closed my eyes to focus. So, I put them together and came up with this phrase driven authenticity.

The word authentic came to me first. I have always strived to live my life in a very authentic way, and I think I have been successful in doing so. But when this word came up it meant something different for me than what it usually does. I want to not only be authentically myself, but authentically working toward my future ideal self. That means making choices every day that line up with who I am working to be, but also allowing myself grace and reminding myself to be kind to myself. It means believing in the very best for myself and believing that every good opportunity, relationship, and business adventure will come my way with faith and hard-work. It means being authentic in the mess, of how chaotic my life can be at times, but also recognizing how far I have come in processing these hectic moments.

Authentic. People are craving authenticity in this time in age. I see it. People want something real, something they can connect too, and something that resonates with them.  My hope is that you get inspired by how authentic I am in my posts, my art, and my blogs and that you would aspire to be more authentic in your daily life. I truly believe when we are authentic with people who are safe and people who matter it opens up the door for deeper and more enriching relationships, resulting in a more abundant life.

The second word, driven, came only a second later. I’ve struggled my whole life with focusing to the point of where I have medical diagnosis for it.  I remember when I was little my Dad and I would work on math for hours and it took me so long to complete one math sheet. I’ve learned over the years how to cope and have trained myself to work incredibly hard to overcome this deficiency. But this year I want to be driven on everything surrounding my art: creating, learning, marketing, and most of all connecting.

I put the two words together and made it a phrase, driven authenticity, which I think is so beautiful. I want to be driven this next year, but I also want to do it authentically. I won’t take on any projects that are not me or my style. I will not push myself further than what’s healthy. I will put my health first always before my work because I know that is something that helps me be my best self.  This year I aspire to be driven authentically in my business as well as my personal life.

Living your best life starts with you. I’ve always made it priority to make goals in my life, to set intentions, and to pick focus words. But it means nothing without action and pursuit. I’ve already started to put this phrase into practice this past week. I want to not only create beautiful art that moves people, but also live a life well spent. The beauty in life is not in how much we did, but actually, in how much we lived.  And onward I will go, to living an authentically driven life.

Belief in the Unseen

For many people, the holiday season is about believing in goodness. Whether it is that the world contains the ability to be kind and loving or it be the goodness of Jesus and His coming. The belief in goodness even ranges to strangers helping strangers. It stretches its way into believing for a better tomorrow and to forgiving those who have hurt us.

And I have this thought that the belief in the unseen is the most powerful of all. When it comes to my personal life, I cannot deny how important my faith and relationship with God is to me. All that I am is because of God. All that I have endured and then survived is because of God. All that I have flourished and grown to be is because of God. No matter how hard life became, and boy was it unbearable at times, I always kept my belief that God is real and alive.

My belief in the unseen has been so real and raw to the point that sometimes I cry when I think about God’s love for me. Yes, that is very vulnerable, for me to admit, but I also think its incredibly beautiful that God’s undeniable and unfathomable love wrecks me in this cleansing way.

Tears don’t represent weakness for me. They actually remind me of the ocean, which to me is the best metaphor for God’s love.  His love is always present, powerful, and poignant. It’s peaceful like the crashing of the waves against the beach and it always comes back to shore. It’s consistent. And it’s full of life and surprises. The ocean is like a whole other world with all of this life and a lot of it we aren’t even aware of.  God’s love has always been a constant in my life.

I’m sharing this with you for two reasons. First, I want everyone to know that everything I am is due to God’s love and strength. Second, I have had so many answered prayers lately. Within the past year, I have finally found my purpose. I struggled with the belief that I was unworthy for so long. So, to believe I had purpose was so beyond me, it was laughable. But I know now with absolutely certainty that I have purpose. It’s grand. It’s so big I cannot even begin to understand the depths of it. My purpose I think comes down to proclaiming God’s strength and love. In different ways, I will always stand by that truth.

The way God plans to reveal this through my life I don’t completely understand yet. But I do know this it isn’t through force, or shoving. It’s through acts of love, meaningful paintings, motivational speeches, inspiring words, and a life well spent. My belief in the unseen is so deep that I am willing to share it with you all. In hopes that you would not be offended or felt any kind of pressure, but that you would feel my love and you would know where it comes from. My hope is that you know I appreciate all of your compliments of how talented I am, but I know where the true gift comes from and who is providing it. My name, Gabrielle, means strength from God, and there is nothing that can describe my life better than that phrase. Belief in the unseen for me goes way deeper than religion. It is the relationship and I believe it’s the most healing relationship I have ever experienced.

One time I encountered an artist, specifically a Christian artist, and he told me you should start painting Jesus and representing God in your artwork. I looked at him right in the eye and said I believe God is represented in every piece and He comes out in whatever way the viewer needs Him to in that moment. I told him God is not only in the painting; he is also with me while I create it. And I truly believe that. My art is a representation of how connection and vulnerability are healing and beautiful. It is all inspired from the most important relationship in my life. The one from whom my strength comes from.

“Primary Intimacy”

At the very beginning, God hand created the primary colors and simultaneously began the love story between life and art. I am filled with joy that I get to be part of that beautiful love story. Creating this painting came easily to me, it was as if the painting swam right out of my soul and onto the canvas. For that reason, I will forever have a deep special love for this one.

Forgiveness is Divine

When we forgive, not only do we allow ourselves to move on, but we give the other person grace, maybe, even in a way they have never experienced before. There are some people in my life I have really struggled forgiving. I think part of this reason is because I feel so deeply. When I hurt, I can sometimes feel it physically. When I am overjoyed, I can feel it all through out my body. But this is not an excuse. I knew forgiveness was always something I needed to work on. I just couldn’t fathom forgiving the people who had hurt me. I let the hurt they had done manifest it’s way into my heart creating strong dislike and animosity.

But here is the beautiful thing about life. We all have choices every single day. We have the choice to start the journey of forgiving and healing. The first part of forgiveness for me was a desire to change my heart. I wanted to love this particular person. I wanted so bad to have a relationship with him. I couldn’t imagine how to start changing my heart so I went to someone who I personally believe is all-knowing. I requested help from the divine. So, I prayed and I prayed every single day.  I prayed that he would mature and that I would too. Not only did I pray for his heart to soften and change, but I did for mine as well. I knew I had part in this and I knew he wasn’t the only one that needed to change.

I showed up. I showed up even when I didn’t want too. My Dad came to me in October and said how he really wanted to change how the holidays went and make some new, healthy, and fun family traditions. So, he suggested we spend Thanksgiving together as a family with this person. At first, I was resistant. I thought of a million different excuses of why I shouldn’t go. I was too busy. I was too overwhelmed. I didn’t want to see him. And then I gave in because I saw my Dad’s heart and how he had longed for this. And deep down I knew what I have been saying all along, “Relationships heal.” So, I went.

 I saw him open his heart for the first time in years. He was honest. He was vulnerable. He showed his heart. My Dad and I had a disagreement on Thanksgiving and this loved one I had struggled with came and talked to me. He let his guard down in order to foster the relationship. It was him who took the first step. He was brave enough to let me in. All these years, I knew he was hurting too. I finally saw it. I allowed myself to let my guard down as well and let his words sink into my heart. I even cried because I knew God had taken a messy situation, and made it beautiful. I saw my prayer being answered before my eyes.

I let my guard down and I had compassion. I saw this loved one playing with my niece. And I realized he and I share a love for little kids. I saw his heart open up in a way I never had before. He loved this little girl with all his heart. And I felt like the Grinch in that moment my heart had grown 3 times in size for him. I had so much love for him right then and there. I realized why this loved one is the way he is. But I see him now. I see him how I think God sees him. And I know with all my being that I’ll never give up on him again. No matter what he says or does. I will never give up on that relationship.

 I truly believe that in life sometimes people come to our lives to grow and stretch us. It can be so painful. And it can also be incredibly beautiful. I know for a fact that I was this person for the loved one I struggled with forgiving. And, He this person for me. I was not innocent in this whole process. I said horrible things and did some mean things to him as he did to me. Now, it’s all gone. I have let it go. I see all the beautiful things now that we can be. We can be unstoppable together. I see him. I see him in the light. He is an excellent businessman and probably the smartest person I know. My niece is probably his favorite person in the whole world. He loves to eat and knows where to go and what to order. He has a presence in a room where you know he is just full of power in the best kind of way. I see the innermost parts of who he is and I still choose him. That’s love. That’s pure and divine love. He sees me. All of me- even the extremely messy parts. He still chose to be brave and open up to me anyway. When the forgiveness really hit me, I not only forgave him, but I forgave myself too. I wrote him a letter right before I left apologizing for how I had hurt him. Acknowledging how brave and vulnerable he had been and thanking him for that.

 When we open ourselves up, to see the innermost parts of people and love them anyway. We are elevating ourselves to love in a divine way.

When I create, I believe I am connecting with my precious divine power. When I forgive, I feel enriched to live a life more full of love.  Reaching for this Divine presence in everything I do is something I aspire to daily. I will leave you with this beautiful quote that Alexander Pope said, “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”

Grateful for the Abundance of Life & art

I am at a time in my life where I just have this overwhelming amount of joy for everything in my life. I am surrounded by friends and family who motivate me to be better in every aspect, who share similar morals and beliefs, and who encourage & lift me up in all that I am. I have this awesome career as a professional artist and have paintings in personal collections all over the United States and internationally. I have an amazing relationship with my Dad and am currently fostering a relationship with my brother. I have experienced grace, love, and forgiveness in the immense ways and have had the chance to do that in return for others. I celebrate who I am in every aspect and I am unapologetically myself. I have a passion for loving others and sharing the message of hope that relationships heal. I speak, share my story, and advocate for mental health locally and nationally.  I love what I do in my daily life and I am constantly striving to be a better version of myself. I live a life full of freedom, joy, and consistency. I am self-aware enough to know where I have come from and know where I want to go. I believe in my art and myself whole-heartedly and passionately. I love life and I love myself. I know my identity and proclaim it loudly, and call others to claim their identity as well. I fill rooms with joy and laughter. I bring something special to the table that no one else can. I live in abundance of joy and love.

My life hasn’t always been like this. I use to live in shame, fear, and self-hatred. I struggled with keeping friends and had broken relationships with every family member. I did not believe in my worth, my purpose, or myself. I struggled to get out of bed everyday and contemplated whether life was even worth living. I hated my life. I was holding onto the traumas that had happened to me.

I fought so hard to become who I am today. I went to hours and hours of therapy. I worked on forgiving myself, forgiving those who had caused trauma, and forgiving those close to me. I got back up after every relapse and after every failure. I pushed myself for more. I carried on and tried to believe in a better tomorrow. It didn’t happen overnight. It happened over many hard nights and years of hard work.

Art has always been something that has healed the deepest parts of who I am. When I look back, I realize art has always had a prominent place in my life. I have always gone back to creating. In every period of coming back from a failure or recovering from a relapse, I made my way back to constructing art. Art has not only saved my life, but it has been a constant reminder of God’s love in my life. It has reminded me of the beauty in this messed up and chaotic world. Art has changed the way I think. It has radically altered who I am and my core beliefs. Creating will always be something very personal for me and at the same time I want to share what I create with the world. I want the world to know how grateful I am to be able to create not just art, but this beautiful life I have fought so hard to achieve.

I am forever grateful for my journey of strife and my string of failures and mishaps, because it has produced a resilient, strong, powerful, and beautiful woman that I am. I am grateful for my friends and family who always seem to bring out the best in me. I am grateful for art and all that it has done in my life. I am grateful for my collectors, and my followers who appreciate and love my art. I promise this is only the beginning of a magnificent, and influential career where I not only create beautiful art, but I change the world simultaneously. I am grateful for the abundance of life and art, which encompasses beauty everywhere.

Magical Moments

          This past weekend I had the privilege of visiting Machu Picchu with my Dad and a couple of friends. And it was magical. I felt like my eyes couldn’t handle the beauty I was seeing. I thought to myself this is the closest place I have been to Heaven; it is just so beautiful. There is a picture that was taken during the trip at Machu Picchu of my Dad and I looking out over the view of Machu Picchu and the town of where the noble Incas lived. For me, this picture sums up the whole experience and is incredibly symbolic.

            To give you some background, my Dad and I haven’t always had the best relationship. In fact, it was extremely broken during one point in time- the time during my parents divorce. It had nothing to do with what he did, but more of the actions of others. When I moved in with him when I was 17, there were fights and arguments every day in the house. I was suffering really deep in my mental illness and we couldn’t seem to communicate well with each other. Day after day my Dad would hold me till I would calm down and tell me he loved me and that we would make it through this.  

I share this with you because my Dad and I’s relationship is so symbolic to the journey to Machu Picchu. No one ever mentions that to get to Machu Picchu you have to take a train, that they say will be an hour and half but it is really 2-3 hours. Then you get there and have to take a bus up to the place where you hike. The bus ride in itself is an experience. The whole twenty minutes you are doing switchbacks up the mountain really fast only about a foot away from the edge of the cliff. Then you finally get to the place where you start hiking and it’s filled with tons and tons of people from all around the world taking pictures, stopping in the middle of the trail, and taking in the view. At first, it is hard to make your way through and adjust to so many people in one place. The journey is long, hard, and time-consuming.

Oh, but the view. The view makes it all worth it. And what’s even better is that you know that you worked incredibly hard to get there not just physically, but also financially.  So, when my Dad and I stood on-top and looked out together. The moment was pure magic. Our relationship now is full of joy and truth and of course some small bickering too. We have grown together and loved each other through it.

One of the sweetest parts of the hike during Machu Picchu was when my Dad turned to me and said, “I’ve been dreaming of this ever since I was a kid. I use to read about Machu Picchu and all the history”. I turned to him in surprise and said, “Me too! I’ve always wanted to go here. I even did a report on it in elementary school.” It is such a small detail, but the small moments of love and endearment are what makes for meaningful memories and deep relationships.

So, here I am again sharing bits and pieces of who I have become and how I’ve gotten here. As an artist, I crave the magical moments. And I have those magical moments a lot while painting. I use to get so frustrated right in the middle of my paintings and worried if they would work out. But now I realize it’s just a stage in the process and I have to go through it in order to have the magical moment. I appreciate the journey and the mess that it took to get me there. Magical moments take hard-work, time, and consistent effort, but they are so dang worth it. Once you get there and you look out over the edge, you can’t help but feel an immense joy that overwhelms your body- a truly spiritual & magical experience.

Life is in Color, Now

            I have struggled with mental illness for many years now and sometimes it is really difficult to share and open up about. But at the same time there is so much hope and light to be acknowledged into my journey of healing and learning how to live with the different illnesses I have. I have difficultly with my moods- going up and down rapidly. I use to think very black and white about many different things. Life is worthless. I have no meaning or purpose. The whole world is full of evil. I will never get better.

            I had gotten really good at hiding it though. I am extremely high functioning despite having a couple different diagnosis some including mood disorder, ADD, and anxiety. I have a loving father, wonderful friends, a strong faith, hobbies, a job, and two bachelors’ degrees and one master’s degree. I graduated top of my class at ASU.

When I started the mastery program at Milan Art Institute, I felt like all my dirt and baggage was being dug up and thrown out for the world to see. I was extremely emotionally because I was facing all of these insecurities, all of these black and white thoughts, and all of the lies in my head. I had two choices either run the other way and drop out of school, or face them head on and challenge myself in a way that I had never done quite before.

            Art began to heal me. It was painful oh so painful. But it gave me a new perspective on the world. I began to see life in color. If you have viewed my art, you know that one of the main elements that make my work so special is how bold, vibrant, and juicy the colors are.  The more I learned how much I love working with color the more I began to see the significance of just how important color is in my life. I broke down so many lies in my head and so many insecurities this past year.

I have become who I truly am. At my very core, I am a loving, passionate, energetic, fighting woman who declares the message of you are loved, you belong, and you are worthy. I shout out to the mountains that relationships heal us and connection promotes growth and joy in our lives. Creating art is not my purpose, it is my vehicle in which I spread the message of hope and life and truth. My true purpose lies within what use to be my brokenness, my baggage, my dirt. It lies within the weaknesses that I feel too much, that I am too loud, and that I talk too much. That is where my purpose is because yes I do feel deeply, but it allows me to care for the world. Yes, I have mental illness but it allows me to connect with people who maybe feel worthless or hopeless. Yes, I am loud but it provides me the ability to declare my message of life to the world. Yes, I talk too much but that’s only because I want you to know how passionate I am about loving the world, loving myself, and loving my creator. I see strengths within my weaknesses. I see life in color.

Do I still struggle? The answer is simple. Yes. I am not perfect and never will I claim to be. I still have days where I feel horrible and it’s hard to function. But now I have so many more days that are wonderful and full of joy. I hope when you read this that you connect on some level and that maybe you will be able to relate. Or maybe you needed to hear this today-- you are where you are and that’s okay. It is okay to struggle. It is okay to hurt. But please know there is so much out there, life is full of chromatic experiences and they are waiting for you. Life is full of color.

Overcoming Fear, Pursuing Passion

            “Everything we want is on the other side of fear,” declared Jack Canfield.  I started my journey at the Milan Art Institute one year ago and recently graduated about a month ago.  When I first began drawing and painting a year ago, every single day I went to school I was sick to my stomach. I was nervous, anxious, and overwhelmed with the overload of information as well as my own insecurities. We have this saying at the Milan Art Institute, “Art heals my dysfunction”. I have come to learn through much experience that this statement is very much true. When I first started creating, these thoughts plagued my mind… “I am not good enough”…“I can’t do this”….“What did I get myself into?”…“Everyone else is so talented”… and lastly “I do not belong here”. I felt completely out of place and totally out of my comfort zone. I was brought to my knees. I had to face all of my doubts and insecurities that I have carried alongside me through out my life.

            At that time in my life, I was quite unsure of myself. Very much insecure and wondering if I had any purpose at all. My first session of classes, which included introduction to drawing and introduction to oil painting, felt like a constant battle. As I look back, I realize it felt this way because it was a war. I was finally facing the inner demons that have always held me back from being my truest and best self. I was forced to face them.  I am proud to say no matter how many times I cried or felt sick to my stomach I kept coming back. I pushed past the fear. I struggled through it knowing that there was something really big and beautiful right on the other side.

            As I entered into the next session, which included Mixed Media and Voice class, in January of this year 2019, I began to experience freedom and joy. I felt myself really start to enjoy the creating process. Learning how to do inks was probably one of my favorite weeks and to this day it is still one of my favorite parts of my personal process. I think the reason why I love inks so much is because they are beautifully messy. Inks are unpredictable yet they always surprise you by pulling off some unique flow that mesmerizes your eyes. When I let go of control, that’s when I truly started to embrace joy and freedom in my life. I feel like inks signify something extra meaningful for me that when I let go of control that’s when the real magic happens. The reason why I struggled so much in the beginning of the program is not only because I was facing all my insecurities, but also because I was holding on to this false idea of control.

            Letting go. I decided to truly dive deep into freedom just recently in July of 2019. I began to trust my higher power and to trust myself. There is so much truth in, “Art heals my dysfunction”. It came in stages- facing insecurities, hitting roadblocks, preserving, freedom, and hitting another roadblock, more insecurities, preserving, and then finally choosing to let go & trust. These stages often replayed through out this year making it a challenging but thrilling rollercoaster ride. This last stage of letting go, embracing, and trusting is freeing in itself. I am letting go of insecurities, fears, and doubts. I am embracing who I am meant to be, who I am now, and what I am capable of. Finally, I am trusting- trusting in my higher power and trusting in myself with pursuing my passion.

            I can do this and I will. I am a professional artist. I do sell my work all of the country and internationally. I am full of joy, purpose, and power. My art does help other people feel more connected in this world. My work does resonate with many people on a deeper level. It all started with me going deep with myself. I believe that relationships heal and I had to first heal my relationship with myself in order to truly be able to move into this new stage of life. I have leveled up. Now, I know the process of moving into a new season and I know I can overcome the fear.

            As I am writing this, I am being reminded of what it takes to preserve and how beautiful it can be when you do. I currently am in the midst of taking myself higher by building up my own business of selling my art and truly pursuing my passion of my being a professional artist. It is exciting and fun and comes with a new set of challenges. I am ready for it. So what’s next? Well, I have set many goals for myself for the next couple of months as well as the next year and half. My two main goals now are to produce as many paintings as I can till December and to connect with more people on all social media platforms. I also have more in store for you, but I can’t share everything all at once that would spoil the fun.

             For now, enjoy this new website and explore every last bit and stay connected with me by entering you email in the box below. It would mean a lot to me. I will be posting blogs pretty regularly and you will also be the first to know about any upcoming releases or exciting projects.