There are points in my life where I honestly feel like crumbling into a ball and shutting down. I get so overwhelmed with what I am doing or where I am going. The simplest way to describe it is being paralyzed with fear. When this starts to happen, I notice that I seem to be lacking balance in my life as well. And then I start to ponder to myself with where do I even start to get my life back on track. So, the question is how do I pull myself out of the deep hole I have fallen into?
For me, it starts with rest, reflection, and realignment. The past couple of weeks I have been really sick with strep. I also started this new series on mermaids, which have been so fun and challenging at the same time. The more I tried to recover from being sick though the more I felt apprehensive about getting into the studio again.
I started putting this immense amount of pressure on myself. That’s when I realized that I needed to take a step back to rest. It’s amazing how anxiety provoking rest can be when your not use to it. Or in my case, you simply avoid resting at all costs. I have been challenged the past couple of weeks to truly sit in the act of resting. It’s been a journey to say the least.
Now, as I am almost completely recovered from sickness I found myself with so much anxiety about getting back to work. This is where I told myself it was time to reflect on why there is so much fear bubbling up. There are a lot of different types of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of abandonment. Fear of rejection. And the list goes on. Fear can be extremely rational response to our environment and it also can be twisted into something it was not meant to originally do.
The more I reflected the more I came back to seeing the fears that plagued me early on in my career when I first starting pursuing art professionally. I challenged myself to approach these thoughts with mindfulness. Acknowledging that they exist and then seeking God in prayer to realign me with my identity. To reawaken my confidence in my purpose and my strength in seeing the world in color. You see when I am haunted by fear the world seems to lose some of its vibrancy.
Today I am choosing to see the world with joy and color. I am choosing to believe in myself with the upmost confidence. I have taken time to dig through the mess of the slip in structure and balance. And now, its time to move forward with grace and with joyful purpose.
I find that sometimes you need time to let the waves of the oceans tickle your feet softly before you dive in. But sometimes you need to push yourself right into the waves of the ocean even though it might be cold at first.
This is my moment to dive right in. To let the water rebirth and cleanse my soul in ways I couldn’t do alone. God and art do this for me simultaneously.
You may wonder why I am being so vulnerable with you. First reason is I want you to know I have grit. I have chosen this path of being professional artist and I am confident that this is what I am meant to do. Along with that, I want to thank you for your continued patience, support, love and encouragement. Every like, comment, share, and painting collected means the world to me. Finally, I believe that we all go through cycles of life where we doubt, struggle, or lose balance in our lives. It is important to know you are not alone and you are not a failure for being human and having an unproductive day, week, or even month. Life continues to buzz and blossom onwards, but it is always ready to welcome you back into purposefully movement.
So, if you find yourself just floating along and maybe losing balance or struggling with your purpose. Try resting, reflecting, and realigning. Let me know how it works for you because ultimately we are in this together.
As always, much love and thanks for reading.
“Finally, I believe that we all go through cycles of life where we doubt, struggle, or lose balance in our lives. It is important to know you are not alone and you are not a failure for being human and having an unproductive day, week, or even month. Life continues to buzz and blossom onwards, but it is always ready to welcome you back into purposefully movement. “