“Everything we want is on the other side of fear,” declared Jack Canfield. I started my journey at the Milan Art Institute one year ago and recently graduated about a month ago. When I first began drawing and painting a year ago, every single day I went to school I was sick to my stomach. I was nervous, anxious, and overwhelmed with the overload of information as well as my own insecurities. We have this saying at the Milan Art Institute, “Art heals my dysfunction”. I have come to learn through much experience that this statement is very much true. When I first started creating, these thoughts plagued my mind… “I am not good enough”…“I can’t do this”….“What did I get myself into?”…“Everyone else is so talented”… and lastly “I do not belong here”. I felt completely out of place and totally out of my comfort zone. I was brought to my knees. I had to face all of my doubts and insecurities that I have carried alongside me through out my life.
At that time in my life, I was quite unsure of myself. Very much insecure and wondering if I had any purpose at all. My first session of classes, which included introduction to drawing and introduction to oil painting, felt like a constant battle. As I look back, I realize it felt this way because it was a war. I was finally facing the inner demons that have always held me back from being my truest and best self. I was forced to face them. I am proud to say no matter how many times I cried or felt sick to my stomach I kept coming back. I pushed past the fear. I struggled through it knowing that there was something really big and beautiful right on the other side.
As I entered into the next session, which included Mixed Media and Voice class, in January of this year 2019, I began to experience freedom and joy. I felt myself really start to enjoy the creating process. Learning how to do inks was probably one of my favorite weeks and to this day it is still one of my favorite parts of my personal process. I think the reason why I love inks so much is because they are beautifully messy. Inks are unpredictable yet they always surprise you by pulling off some unique flow that mesmerizes your eyes. When I let go of control, that’s when I truly started to embrace joy and freedom in my life. I feel like inks signify something extra meaningful for me that when I let go of control that’s when the real magic happens. The reason why I struggled so much in the beginning of the program is not only because I was facing all my insecurities, but also because I was holding on to this false idea of control.
Letting go. I decided to truly dive deep into freedom just recently in July of 2019. I began to trust my higher power and to trust myself. There is so much truth in, “Art heals my dysfunction”. It came in stages- facing insecurities, hitting roadblocks, preserving, freedom, and hitting another roadblock, more insecurities, preserving, and then finally choosing to let go & trust. These stages often replayed through out this year making it a challenging but thrilling rollercoaster ride. This last stage of letting go, embracing, and trusting is freeing in itself. I am letting go of insecurities, fears, and doubts. I am embracing who I am meant to be, who I am now, and what I am capable of. Finally, I am trusting- trusting in my higher power and trusting in myself with pursuing my passion.
I can do this and I will. I am a professional artist. I do sell my work all of the country and internationally. I am full of joy, purpose, and power. My art does help other people feel more connected in this world. My work does resonate with many people on a deeper level. It all started with me going deep with myself. I believe that relationships heal and I had to first heal my relationship with myself in order to truly be able to move into this new stage of life. I have leveled up. Now, I know the process of moving into a new season and I know I can overcome the fear.
As I am writing this, I am being reminded of what it takes to preserve and how beautiful it can be when you do. I currently am in the midst of taking myself higher by building up my own business of selling my art and truly pursuing my passion of my being a professional artist. It is exciting and fun and comes with a new set of challenges. I am ready for it. So what’s next? Well, I have set many goals for myself for the next couple of months as well as the next year and half. My two main goals now are to produce as many paintings as I can till December and to connect with more people on all social media platforms. I also have more in store for you, but I can’t share everything all at once that would spoil the fun.
For now, enjoy this new website and explore every last bit and stay connected with me by entering you email in the box below. It would mean a lot to me. I will be posting blogs pretty regularly and you will also be the first to know about any upcoming releases or exciting projects.